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Let me out of here!

When he was little, I bought a string of bells and hung them by the sliding door. Whenever I let him out I rang the bells. He made the association, one day, he just rang the bells to let me know he wanted to go out. This worked out very well because if I was not in the room and he wanted to be out, he could just ring the bells instead of barking which could be confusing. Because, I wouldn't know if he was disturbed by people/creatures outside the house or what. The interesting thing was, he usually gentlely taps the bells to let me know he wants out, unless, I'm watching sports on TV. It doesn't matter if it is football, basketball or soccer, he knows sport is on. When I watch sports, I don't pay attention to him. And, when I get excited I'll scream and yell. So, he despites sports on TV. Soon as I change the channel to sport, he'll start walking toward the bells, looking back at me ("I warn you, I'm going out!"). If I don't change the channel, he'll then SWING the bells in disgust. As he walks out the doors, he'll turn around and give me the look "I'm in exile and it's all your fault!". Now, if I say "Okay, com'n in". he will turn around and come back in. Of course, I'll have to change the channel, and he'll forgive me. But if I really want to watch the program, I'll just have to live with the guilt.

That's how he was the first 5 years or so. He later learned sports is part of me and he'll just have to accept that. He was willing to lay down, resting his head on my lap. But every once for awhile he'll look up at me. I'll then have to look into his eyes to ensure him mommy still loves him and he has all my attention. Otherwise, he'll be upset and nudg me persistantly until I comply.

This particular interaction taught me a couple of things about relationship. First, If you always get your way, Even a dog will leave you. When you win all the battles, you've lost the war. Second, recognize the things you can't change in your partner and learn to accept and live with it.

In the mornings after I let him out, he doesn't always want to come back in. He has to know what I will be doing before deciding if it's more fun to stay outside or coming in. I'll tell him "Mommy go upstairs" or "Mommy take shower". He'll usually turn around and go back out if I'm going to take a shower. Because he knows I'll be too busy to play with him.

hmm...not sure if I want to come inside...

Can I go too?

Bubble loves to ride in a car, sticking his head out the window and enjoying the wind. When I'm getting ready to go out, he will look at me intently to find out if he gets to go or not. Dogs' faces are so expressive. There were times he'll say "I deserve to go! I demand it!". Sometime he'll beg "can I? can I?" If I say "no, you can't go", you can see all joy was wiped off his face. If I say " yes, you can go", his face was all lit up. Jumping in joy, smiling and leading the way out. He'll have this big smile on his face and keep on looking back saying "com'n, hurry, let's go!" With a smile like that, how can you say 'no' to him? He pretty much went wherever I went, except when the weather was too hot. This taught me what it is when you love someone. You are willing to do something simply because you know it will make your loved one happy.

I'm ready, let's go!

Bubble was so gentle, he always got beat up by other dogs. He was bit on his right eye in a park by another dog. The cone kept him from scratching his face. He hated it, the cone kept on bumping into things.

In his old age he slept a lot. Didn't he look cute resting his chin like that?

The following was the letter I sent out to friends... Dear friends, last night, I let my only family go, peacefully, at 9 P.M. Bubble's health has been deteriorating noticeably this year. month by month, we have to shorten our walks because he was too tired. He has been refusing to eat, loosing a lot of weight. He weighed 59 lb. in March. Last night, he weighed 46 lb. In July, he had a record of not eating for 2 days. I thought if he was hungry, he would eat. But he didn't give in. So, in the last few weeks, I had given up. Whatever he was willing to eat (usually meat), I gave it to him. The vet thought he might have cancer, that's why he didn't have appetite and was having problem keeping the food down. In the last 3 weeks he had some good days and some bad ones. The day before yesterday he seemed to be doing better. He was eating a little more and he was walking around. Yesterday, he was completely paralyzed. Even with my help, he couldn't stand up. That had never happened before. However, at first, I thought he was just in one of his bad days. I thought he would get better the next day. But my friend Jon suggested taking him to the vet. We were at the vet's around 4:30 p.m. They came out with a stretcher to take Bubble in. After an hour, the vet told me his prognosis didn't look good. He had history of kidney and spinal problem. There was also disc problem on his back. And, his liver was also in bad shape. I approved blood test and more x-rays. Although we couldn't see definite sign of tumor, we can see there was a large fussy area. The intestine was pushed up, out of its usual place. The liver was not visible in its usual place either. Couple that with the information of his problem with food, it's very likely he has cancer. Although I have always believed in euthanasia, I was not really prepared to let Bubble go. That was why I approved more tests. After a long deliberation, talking with my friend Bob, I finally came to accept the fact that Bubble was not going to get better. Considering he did have a good, long (he was about 90 human year) life. I believe I did a good job raising him. There was no need to feel guilty to help him pass over in a peaceful sleep. I sang lullaby and kissed him good night just like we did every night. He went quickly. And he looked as if he WAS in restful sleep. That's the image I woke up with this morning, even before I open my eyes.

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